You are NOT important!

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague of mine had an issue with a vendor he was using. He knows the company’s owner personally and has always been catered to by the owner herself. So when he called her to let her know of the problems he was having, he was surprised to get her voice mail, and then voice mail again, and then no response to his emails. Nothing.

He finally called her from an unknown number (sneaky one) and she DID respond. Her answer: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I’ve been too busy.

Subtext: You are not important enough for me to take 60 seconds out of my life and explain to you what’s been going on in my end, and ensure you are a happy customer even though you haven’t been getting what you wanted.

When he told me the story I was incensed! Family: You know how I feel about relationships. How human beings relate to one another is the foundation, the sine qua non, of business, of life! So for someone to be so nonchalant about how they relate to another human being… man… that just gets my blood boiling! Personally, it would be far more honest to say to someone “You’re not important enough for me to deal with right now. I’ll get at you later”, than to euphemize it with “I’m too busy.” C’mon, don’t insult people’s intelligence!

I have been watching this story unfold for my colleague, and I’ve learned some lessons (where would a Coach Mo column be without lessons?):

1) The issue was complex and needed several people’s involvement in order to be resolved. So “one phone call” wasn’t going to do the trick. And even when everyone that needed to be involved DID get involved, some people were frankly at a loss as to how to fix the problem. Lesson: It behooves all parties involved to be realistic, understanding and patient with each other.

2) My colleague is what I like to call “Circle of influence”. His reach is wide, and when he opened his big mouth to speak his mind about how he’d been treated, this vendor’s business PLUMMETTED. Lesson: The ripple effect is real. You may think you are only affecting one person, but you are affecting those that said person affects too. We are far more powerful and connected than we give ourselves credit for.

3) My colleague is also a very understanding person. If the vendor had just called, kept in touch, given him some updates, anything to let him know that she was not ignoring/avoiding/evading her client, all would have been well. If she had just called and been constant in her communication, he could have waited until the end of time for whatever resolution was in store. Lesson: A simple 3-minute phone call can prevent hours, even years of headaches, and can prevent the demise of a relationship.

4) The biggest beef that my colleague had was the feeling of indignation at being made to feel at first like such an important client to this vendor (especially when he was just “a prospect” and not yet a client), and then the utter disregard with which he was treated afterwards. He felt used, disregarded, and unimportant. Lesson: We’re all going to have problems or issues in our business and personal relationships. The most important thing is not THAT we have them, but HOW we deal with them. Problems by definition always have an answer (even if you can’t see it yet), but people don’t always heal as easily.

5) I actually spoke to the vendor too, to get her side of the story, and part of her lack of communication was due to how badly she felt that the more time passed by, the worst she felt about not communicating. A vicious cycle of sorts. And yet, all her client wanted was to connect. Lesson: Avoiding communication because “the issue” is uncomfortable or painful to face is NEVER the answer. In fact, it usually makes the situation worse.

Homework from the Coach:

I know, you haven’t seen homework from me in a while, but here goes: Make a list of 5-10 people that you KNOW you should call/follow up with… even if it’s just to say hello. You know who I’m talking about, the ones that when you think of them, you say to yourself, Dang, I should give so-and-so a call.

Call them within the next 24 hours. Don’t prepare a script. Don’t come up with excuses as to why you haven’t called. Just call. Speak the truth from your heart. Start a new beginning. You’ll be glad you did.

The worst that could happen is that the person won’t ever want to hear from you again, in which case, you just got yourself some peace and clarity as to where you stand and can go on about your business without a cloud over your head. The best that could happen… that’s up to you! J

Til next time,

Coach Mo