I have been quite busy putting together the final touches for an amazing Master Mind Your Business Program (what? You don’t know about Masterminding? Have you heard of Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich?! Go here right now to learn more!).Now, if you don’t know about Masterminding, let me tell you, you are missing out on a powerful spiritual boost.

You know how the bible says “Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” (Matt 18:19-20)? People have been using that principle for years, centuries! It’s how Charles Wrigley created the Wrigley empire, how Ford popularized the automobile industry, and how many entrepreneurs today are creating unprecedented results in their businesses.

In most of the Mastermind groups I have participated in or facilitated, the number one obstacle to creating the business/relationship/wealth/(insert your dream here) of your dreams is never the external obstacle itself.

It’s fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of the worst possible scenario. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that it might not work out. Fear that it might after all. Fear that it’s too much work. Fear that I’m wrong. Fear that I’m right. Fear. Fear. Fear!

Usually, fear is the LAST MONSTER to overcome before you achieve extraordinary breakthroughs. When you come face to face with your fear, you have two options: You can either stop, turn around, walk away and try a different route (usually, a different version of the same schpeel). Or you can step right through it.

I’m willing to assert that fear is just the unwillingness to look at evidence that proves our point. Here’s what I mean: When you are afraid of rejection, in your mind, you have already been rejected. And insofar as you are already experiencing the feeling/thought of being rejected, fear is just the hesitation to “make it official.”

So, here’s my suggestion:

Go ahead. Make it official!

You’re already feeling rejected! So go ahead and be rejected for real!

The other possibility is that you might experience acceptance, love, success, even if it’s “incremental”.

We might meet the perfect mate, and then come face to face with fears we may not have even realized you had. And we sabotage it in the most subtle and sneaky of ways: We make it THEIR problem: S/he lives too far away, is too busy, has too much attention from the opposite sex anyway, is a commitment-phobe anyway, etc. Or else, we make ourselves the convenient villain, justifying all the reasons why such a decent human being shouldn’t get involved with a monster such as I.

When in reality, what we are covering up is “Wow, I’m feeling really vulnerable here and if this person rejects me, I’m going to feel very hurt.”

Here’s how I coached someone on this recently, and how I invite YOU to re-frame whatever current situation may be generating fear in you now:

1) What are you afraid might happen?

I’m afraid that if I go for this business deal, it might not work out and I’ll end up losing my investment money.

2) And if it happens, what might it mean about you?

That I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m not a good business owner/investor, and that I’m too stupid to make good decisions.

3) Is that absolutely true? Do you have evidence of the opposite?

No. It’s not absolutely true. There are plenty of times when I’ve made great decisions and it turned out wonderfully. This opportunity wouldn’t have come to me if the person hadn’t trusted that I have solid experience and know what I’m doing.

4) Who would you be without this train of thought?

Oh, wow! I’d be free, I’d feel certain, confident in my own abilities, happy that opportunities come to me apparently out of nowhere. It means I must be doing something right.

5) So if you were that person: the free, certain, confident person for whom opportunities just seem to flow, what would your train of thought be, and what actions would you take?

….

You get where I’m going… If you don’t, email me so you can experience coaching for yourself! In the meantime, write me a comment on the blog, let me know what you did TODAY to break through a particular fear… even if it’s a small step, it doesn’t matter. A small step in the right direction is better than standing still and going nowhere.

Go for it!

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague of mine had an issue with a vendor he was using. He knows the company’s owner personally and has always been catered to by the owner herself. So when he called her to let her know of the problems he was having, he was surprised to get her voice mail, and then voice mail again, and then no response to his emails. Nothing.

He finally called her from an unknown number (sneaky one) and she DID respond. Her answer: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I’ve been too busy.

Subtext: You are not important enough for me to take 60 seconds out of my life and explain to you what’s been going on in my end, and ensure you are a happy customer even though you haven’t been getting what you wanted.

When he told me the story I was incensed! Family: You know how I feel about relationships. How human beings relate to one another is the foundation, the sine qua non, of business, of life! So for someone to be so nonchalant about how they relate to another human being… man… that just gets my blood boiling! Personally, it would be far more honest to say to someone “You’re not important enough for me to deal with right now. I’ll get at you later”, than to euphemize it with “I’m too busy.” C’mon, don’t insult people’s intelligence!

I have been watching this story unfold for my colleague, and I’ve learned some lessons (where would a Coach Mo column be without lessons?):

1) The issue was complex and needed several people’s involvement in order to be resolved. So “one phone call” wasn’t going to do the trick. And even when everyone that needed to be involved DID get involved, some people were frankly at a loss as to how to fix the problem. Lesson: It behooves all parties involved to be realistic, understanding and patient with each other.

2) My colleague is what I like to call “Circle of influence”. His reach is wide, and when he opened his big mouth to speak his mind about how he’d been treated, this vendor’s business PLUMMETTED. Lesson: The ripple effect is real. You may think you are only affecting one person, but you are affecting those that said person affects too. We are far more powerful and connected than we give ourselves credit for.

3) My colleague is also a very understanding person. If the vendor had just called, kept in touch, given him some updates, anything to let him know that she was not ignoring/avoiding/evading her client, all would have been well. If she had just called and been constant in her communication, he could have waited until the end of time for whatever resolution was in store. Lesson: A simple 3-minute phone call can prevent hours, even years of headaches, and can prevent the demise of a relationship.

4) The biggest beef that my colleague had was the feeling of indignation at being made to feel at first like such an important client to this vendor (especially when he was just “a prospect” and not yet a client), and then the utter disregard with which he was treated afterwards. He felt used, disregarded, and unimportant. Lesson: We’re all going to have problems or issues in our business and personal relationships. The most important thing is not THAT we have them, but HOW we deal with them. Problems by definition always have an answer (even if you can’t see it yet), but people don’t always heal as easily.

5) I actually spoke to the vendor too, to get her side of the story, and part of her lack of communication was due to how badly she felt that the more time passed by, the worst she felt about not communicating. A vicious cycle of sorts. And yet, all her client wanted was to connect. Lesson: Avoiding communication because “the issue” is uncomfortable or painful to face is NEVER the answer. In fact, it usually makes the situation worse.

Homework from the Coach:

I know, you haven’t seen homework from me in a while, but here goes: Make a list of 5-10 people that you KNOW you should call/follow up with… even if it’s just to say hello. You know who I’m talking about, the ones that when you think of them, you say to yourself, Dang, I should give so-and-so a call.

Call them within the next 24 hours. Don’t prepare a script. Don’t come up with excuses as to why you haven’t called. Just call. Speak the truth from your heart. Start a new beginning. You’ll be glad you did.

The worst that could happen is that the person won’t ever want to hear from you again, in which case, you just got yourself some peace and clarity as to where you stand and can go on about your business without a cloud over your head. The best that could happen… that’s up to you! J

Til next time,

Coach Mo