I have been quite busy putting together the final touches for an amazing Master Mind Your Business Program (what? You don’t know about Masterminding? Have you heard of Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich?! Go here right now to learn more!).Now, if you don’t know about Masterminding, let me tell you, you are missing out on a powerful spiritual boost.

You know how the bible says “Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” (Matt 18:19-20)? People have been using that principle for years, centuries! It’s how Charles Wrigley created the Wrigley empire, how Ford popularized the automobile industry, and how many entrepreneurs today are creating unprecedented results in their businesses.

In most of the Mastermind groups I have participated in or facilitated, the number one obstacle to creating the business/relationship/wealth/(insert your dream here) of your dreams is never the external obstacle itself.

It’s fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of the worst possible scenario. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that it might not work out. Fear that it might after all. Fear that it’s too much work. Fear that I’m wrong. Fear that I’m right. Fear. Fear. Fear!

Usually, fear is the LAST MONSTER to overcome before you achieve extraordinary breakthroughs. When you come face to face with your fear, you have two options: You can either stop, turn around, walk away and try a different route (usually, a different version of the same schpeel). Or you can step right through it.

I’m willing to assert that fear is just the unwillingness to look at evidence that proves our point. Here’s what I mean: When you are afraid of rejection, in your mind, you have already been rejected. And insofar as you are already experiencing the feeling/thought of being rejected, fear is just the hesitation to “make it official.”

So, here’s my suggestion:

Go ahead. Make it official!

You’re already feeling rejected! So go ahead and be rejected for real!

The other possibility is that you might experience acceptance, love, success, even if it’s “incremental”.

We might meet the perfect mate, and then come face to face with fears we may not have even realized you had. And we sabotage it in the most subtle and sneaky of ways: We make it THEIR problem: S/he lives too far away, is too busy, has too much attention from the opposite sex anyway, is a commitment-phobe anyway, etc. Or else, we make ourselves the convenient villain, justifying all the reasons why such a decent human being shouldn’t get involved with a monster such as I.

When in reality, what we are covering up is “Wow, I’m feeling really vulnerable here and if this person rejects me, I’m going to feel very hurt.”

Here’s how I coached someone on this recently, and how I invite YOU to re-frame whatever current situation may be generating fear in you now:

1) What are you afraid might happen?

I’m afraid that if I go for this business deal, it might not work out and I’ll end up losing my investment money.

2) And if it happens, what might it mean about you?

That I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m not a good business owner/investor, and that I’m too stupid to make good decisions.

3) Is that absolutely true? Do you have evidence of the opposite?

No. It’s not absolutely true. There are plenty of times when I’ve made great decisions and it turned out wonderfully. This opportunity wouldn’t have come to me if the person hadn’t trusted that I have solid experience and know what I’m doing.

4) Who would you be without this train of thought?

Oh, wow! I’d be free, I’d feel certain, confident in my own abilities, happy that opportunities come to me apparently out of nowhere. It means I must be doing something right.

5) So if you were that person: the free, certain, confident person for whom opportunities just seem to flow, what would your train of thought be, and what actions would you take?

….

You get where I’m going… If you don’t, email me so you can experience coaching for yourself! In the meantime, write me a comment on the blog, let me know what you did TODAY to break through a particular fear… even if it’s a small step, it doesn’t matter. A small step in the right direction is better than standing still and going nowhere.

Go for it!

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague of mine had an issue with a vendor he was using. He knows the company’s owner personally and has always been catered to by the owner herself. So when he called her to let her know of the problems he was having, he was surprised to get her voice mail, and then voice mail again, and then no response to his emails. Nothing.

He finally called her from an unknown number (sneaky one) and she DID respond. Her answer: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I’ve been too busy.

Subtext: You are not important enough for me to take 60 seconds out of my life and explain to you what’s been going on in my end, and ensure you are a happy customer even though you haven’t been getting what you wanted.

When he told me the story I was incensed! Family: You know how I feel about relationships. How human beings relate to one another is the foundation, the sine qua non, of business, of life! So for someone to be so nonchalant about how they relate to another human being… man… that just gets my blood boiling! Personally, it would be far more honest to say to someone “You’re not important enough for me to deal with right now. I’ll get at you later”, than to euphemize it with “I’m too busy.” C’mon, don’t insult people’s intelligence!

I have been watching this story unfold for my colleague, and I’ve learned some lessons (where would a Coach Mo column be without lessons?):

1) The issue was complex and needed several people’s involvement in order to be resolved. So “one phone call” wasn’t going to do the trick. And even when everyone that needed to be involved DID get involved, some people were frankly at a loss as to how to fix the problem. Lesson: It behooves all parties involved to be realistic, understanding and patient with each other.

2) My colleague is what I like to call “Circle of influence”. His reach is wide, and when he opened his big mouth to speak his mind about how he’d been treated, this vendor’s business PLUMMETTED. Lesson: The ripple effect is real. You may think you are only affecting one person, but you are affecting those that said person affects too. We are far more powerful and connected than we give ourselves credit for.

3) My colleague is also a very understanding person. If the vendor had just called, kept in touch, given him some updates, anything to let him know that she was not ignoring/avoiding/evading her client, all would have been well. If she had just called and been constant in her communication, he could have waited until the end of time for whatever resolution was in store. Lesson: A simple 3-minute phone call can prevent hours, even years of headaches, and can prevent the demise of a relationship.

4) The biggest beef that my colleague had was the feeling of indignation at being made to feel at first like such an important client to this vendor (especially when he was just “a prospect” and not yet a client), and then the utter disregard with which he was treated afterwards. He felt used, disregarded, and unimportant. Lesson: We’re all going to have problems or issues in our business and personal relationships. The most important thing is not THAT we have them, but HOW we deal with them. Problems by definition always have an answer (even if you can’t see it yet), but people don’t always heal as easily.

5) I actually spoke to the vendor too, to get her side of the story, and part of her lack of communication was due to how badly she felt that the more time passed by, the worst she felt about not communicating. A vicious cycle of sorts. And yet, all her client wanted was to connect. Lesson: Avoiding communication because “the issue” is uncomfortable or painful to face is NEVER the answer. In fact, it usually makes the situation worse.

Homework from the Coach:

I know, you haven’t seen homework from me in a while, but here goes: Make a list of 5-10 people that you KNOW you should call/follow up with… even if it’s just to say hello. You know who I’m talking about, the ones that when you think of them, you say to yourself, Dang, I should give so-and-so a call.

Call them within the next 24 hours. Don’t prepare a script. Don’t come up with excuses as to why you haven’t called. Just call. Speak the truth from your heart. Start a new beginning. You’ll be glad you did.

The worst that could happen is that the person won’t ever want to hear from you again, in which case, you just got yourself some peace and clarity as to where you stand and can go on about your business without a cloud over your head. The best that could happen… that’s up to you! J

Til next time,

Coach Mo

So today, my father turns 75. I am his firstborn, and frankly, his favorite (although my brother would probably argue with that).

I know a lot of women have dysfunctional dad issues – I am not one of them. My father is one of the most amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. If he wasn’t my dad, and I met him somewhere, I’d probably be his friend. He can talk my ear off, but frankly it’s good stuff. As I’ve gotten older, it’s more and more fun to listen to my father.

And he’s funny too. His ascerbic wit. His petulantly observant way of digesting the world. He used to be (or I used to perceive him as) a judgmental, closed minded, inflexible, militant, irascible man…. And he probably can still go there. But as I’ve gottne older, I’ve also seen the six year old boy that lost his father (a grandfather I never met), and then lost his mother before he hit puberty, and then his oldest sister and oldest brother….I remember his dogged determination at pursuing a degree while raising a young family (all three of his children were under 10 at the time), and his amazing faith at moving us from the Dominican Republic to this country with NO EVIDENCE that it would work or it would give us the dreams he was so hungrily pursuing for his children. I remember him a degreed, well connected, well heeled professional coming to America to start working second shift at some factory, while his children grew up. We used to say hi and bye as we got home from school around 2: 45 pm and he used to be getting ready to go to work.

I remember once throwing it in his face when he tried to correct me on something: What do you know, you’re hardly ever here, you have no right to say what’s what in this house! I was petulant too, and I knew then that whatever I had to say, by virtue of being his firstborn, would sting more than he would ever let on.

I have always wanted to please my father. Being a tomboy growing up was my way of “making up” for the fact that his firstborn was a girl, and not a boy, as he had so desired. That’s probably why I named my company after his last name, since I couldn’t “carry on the name” in the traditional sense. That’s probably also why when I did get married, I never changed my last name (ominous, I know). When I was a little girl… my dad took me everywhere with him. He taught me to play pool, started to teach me to drive… he played dress up with me (When I was a little girl, it was our secret that I preferred him doing my hair over my mother)… I was his little doll…

So today, I have a daughter of my own, who is absolutely in love with her own dad. And while her father and I are not together anymore, the absolute adoration that my daughter has for her dad reminds me of the adoration I still have for mine.

Recently, at my request, my parents both began a Leadership Development Program that has challenged their beliefs and assumptions about what they’re capable of, who they are as human beings, and what they both have to offer the world… still.. even now that they’re in their “golden years.” As I’ve said, it’s not over til it’s over. I can’t wait to see what my father creates in his life over the next 25 years.

So I sit here reflecting about this man, and I have this to say: In all my father’s soliloquies, he also gives selflessly of his wisdom. He still makes me laugh. He worries about me. He prays for me. He calls me just to tell me he misses me. He still turns my heart into putty when he looks at me like I’m the apple of his eye… And whoever I end up marrying/spending the rest of my life with, has a tough act to follow. If my life partner has HALF the honor, loyalty, devotion, humor and honesty that my father has, I’d be a highly blessed and favored woman.

Happy Birthday, Papi.

Love,

Tu Morena